So I watched the Amittyville Horror remake this weekend and it occurred to me that I really do not understand sanity. Or rather I really do not understand my own insanity. I think we all have a little insane person inside of us. All of our jealousies, crazy conspiracies, self-centeredness. It reminded me of the book of Ecclesiastes from the bible. It was written by Solomon, apparently the wisest person who ever walked the planet, and in it he repeatedly says that he has explored; happiness and sadness, love and hate, wisdom and foolishness and madness. He explored it all. He had unlimited riches and could explore all things to their fullest.
I think it may be a time in my life that I will explorer madness. Of course I have to do all things in moderation. I do not have an entire kingdom at my disposal to frivolously explore things to the fullest. In the last year I have explored more of the world and selfishness than I have ever done before. I have been foolish, impetuous, selfish, wild, and undisciplined. What does the next year hold?
Being friends with Andrew has helped me quantify this desire to explore all different aspects of life and myself. He is very gung-ho about denying himself nothing, and just living in the moment, and being in contact with his unique brand of exploration has really given me a lot to think about.
So what is sanity? My current understanding is that sanity has to do with you understanding of the reality you live in. So what is insanity? Not connecting with the world around you? What is reality? Isn't it relative anyway? Isn't perception reality? Doesn't that mean that living in your own reality is sanity? If you are logical about exploring sanity does it defeat the purpose? How do you go about altering your perception and reality?
I have decided that the best way to really explore my psyche is to focus myself on some writing. If I write about some really dark or altered things, then maybe that will help me contact the dark insane parts of my own heart. So what should I write about? Maybe just talking about this is crazy. Maybe I am already insane.... Bruhahahahahah!
The funny thing is that I know who I am. I am confident, secure, and stable. Another reason I have decided that I need a really abstract project like this is because I feel like I need to expand my mind in a new way. I enjoy media, books, movies and television soooooo much, but they are really limited ways to exercise your brain and imagination. I really want my mind to continue to grow, and the best way to make that happen is to look at new things, and explore. I do not want my brain to become weak and soft like most of the people in the world around me. I want there to be limitless possibilities.
As you get older it is so easy just to fall into patterns of life and then just live out your life in a rut or on a track. I don't want that for my life. I want new ideas and possibilities on the horizon everyday. I love change. What is a bigger rush than the crazy feeling that the world that you have always known is about to drastically change? The life you have been living for years is going to be turned upside down? Gambling, drugs, booze, and competition do not have anything on the high you get from life changes. The fear, excitement, and confusion that real life brings is the bomb.
Monday, October 8, 2007
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
9/30/07 - The Birthday Party
So I am now 28 years old. I do not feel old, but I do have the feeling that I lack in accomplishments. I feel like I should be making at least 200k per year, and should be involved in lots of community business circles. I know that is dumb but it is just something that I feel.
We had a party at Don Perico's. People kept buying me booze and I kept drinking it. The Mic showed up with his family and we took some video of the event. Daniel, Stoney, Sara, and Keeter also showed up. The cards that I received warmed my heart and made me laugh. I had sent out a text message telling everyone that I was challenging Derrek to our annual drunken UFC alley rematch. However, he called and said he was coming to the poker game late so I would be really drunk and never showed. I was ready to beat him down, none of that submission crap this year. I was gonna punch him in the face till he wanted to take a nap. I will get him next year.
The Mic wants to have a really complicated 6 month family competition with over 1k on the line. It involves body fat measurements, short distance running, long distance running, basketball, tennis, hockey, and something else I cannot remember. I am 90% sure it is going to happen but we are still talking about rules and scoring.
So at my birthday poker game I was really drunk and did not stop drinking for quite a while. I felt like I was playing good though. Mixing it up a lot, trying to confuse people, and making really dumb plays to get others to think the alcohol was impairing my playing ability. It worked, I got soooooo much action on my good hands. I feel like I would have taken all the chips on the table is if Sara had not had too much to drink and gotten sick.
I feel bad because the whole time I was telling her to drink and giving her shots, and just being a completely obnoxious drunkard (I only do it a couple times a year, might as well play it up.) So at about midnight, Sara calls to me from the back porch, when I get there she looks confused and the ground is covered in vomit. I sat with her for hours, and she was rambling all sorts of nursing mumbo jumbo about electrolyte balances being thrown off by the consumption of water and vomiting. She was real wasted so we had some super funny conversations. For instance, if Sara could have a mix of two animals it would be a tiger/koala, and she is almost positive she would not kill someone for any amount of money.
So my heart has been extremely saddened by the loss of Dave and Andrew. I had no idea how much I missed them till I recently saw them. I have been moping around the house for a week now trying to keep myself busy with cleaning and accounting work, but alas, it will never be enough. I am sad and I miss them. I am all about brotherly love! There is a type of bond that men have that some people will never have or understand. Not everyone gets to experience it in their lives and I have had the opportunity to experience it 3 times. There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. That companionship is important to me, and it make my life better for having it. Missing it now makes life less bright and shiny.
~Richard
We had a party at Don Perico's. People kept buying me booze and I kept drinking it. The Mic showed up with his family and we took some video of the event. Daniel, Stoney, Sara, and Keeter also showed up. The cards that I received warmed my heart and made me laugh. I had sent out a text message telling everyone that I was challenging Derrek to our annual drunken UFC alley rematch. However, he called and said he was coming to the poker game late so I would be really drunk and never showed. I was ready to beat him down, none of that submission crap this year. I was gonna punch him in the face till he wanted to take a nap. I will get him next year.
The Mic wants to have a really complicated 6 month family competition with over 1k on the line. It involves body fat measurements, short distance running, long distance running, basketball, tennis, hockey, and something else I cannot remember. I am 90% sure it is going to happen but we are still talking about rules and scoring.
So at my birthday poker game I was really drunk and did not stop drinking for quite a while. I felt like I was playing good though. Mixing it up a lot, trying to confuse people, and making really dumb plays to get others to think the alcohol was impairing my playing ability. It worked, I got soooooo much action on my good hands. I feel like I would have taken all the chips on the table is if Sara had not had too much to drink and gotten sick.
I feel bad because the whole time I was telling her to drink and giving her shots, and just being a completely obnoxious drunkard (I only do it a couple times a year, might as well play it up.) So at about midnight, Sara calls to me from the back porch, when I get there she looks confused and the ground is covered in vomit. I sat with her for hours, and she was rambling all sorts of nursing mumbo jumbo about electrolyte balances being thrown off by the consumption of water and vomiting. She was real wasted so we had some super funny conversations. For instance, if Sara could have a mix of two animals it would be a tiger/koala, and she is almost positive she would not kill someone for any amount of money.
So my heart has been extremely saddened by the loss of Dave and Andrew. I had no idea how much I missed them till I recently saw them. I have been moping around the house for a week now trying to keep myself busy with cleaning and accounting work, but alas, it will never be enough. I am sad and I miss them. I am all about brotherly love! There is a type of bond that men have that some people will never have or understand. Not everyone gets to experience it in their lives and I have had the opportunity to experience it 3 times. There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. That companionship is important to me, and it make my life better for having it. Missing it now makes life less bright and shiny.
~Richard
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
9/25/07 - Highland High School 1997 10 Year Reunion
Well the reunion was a blast. I learned a lot about myself while approaching the event. At first I was kind of nervous, because I thought it would be just like high school, and that was not a great experience. I thought David Koontz and I would be the same old outsiders that we always were. Then I realized that I really do not care what people think, and if I am not having a good time, then I will just leave instead of being stuck in PE with a bunch of jerk offs that never give me the ball for a minimum of 4 months. LOL! Did that sound bitter or what?
Then I started stressing about my body and my clothes. You have to look smoking hot when you go to a class reunion. I spent 3 hours shopping which is not normal for me. I did get some great clothes. And though I have lost about 15 lbs, I am still about 20 lbs over weight so nothing was really going to make me look great anyway. I did look good, you can see the pictures here (http://www.tblpodcast.com/Images/10REUNION/HIGHLAND1997-10REUNIONPICS.htm), but I did not look great. Sara looked amazing, and we actually had a great time.
I had forgotten about the great equalizer. I know I am good-looking, and successful, and married to a beautiful woman. But even if I just had a normal job, had a marriage that was not crumbling, and was not massively disfigured in a fire or a car accident, I would have been much better off than most of the people I went to high school with. The equalizer is life and averages. I am going off on a wild tangent here, but you have to stick with me.
I know I am totally reasonable and down to earth, even though I border on being obsessive and idealistic sometimes. I was very lucky to find a wonderful woman who is the same way. We had our hard times pre-marriage and at the beginning, but now we are set, nothing could shake us. The one thing I know for sure about my life is that Sara and I have to put up with each other till one of us dies. That is a great thing to know. Can you imaging how many people stress about their love lives. 10% of the people at the reunion were divorced. Another 25% had children and no significant other was in the picture.
I did a lot of interrogating about what people do for a living. It turns out that there are a lot of losers, who are 'still in school', and I am not talking about medical school here. I also talked to a lot of people who did not want to comment. They were just there to have a good time and catch up with old friends. Whatever, I was totally there to prove that I was superior to all of them in real life. That is rude, but that was my hearts truest desire inside. Isn't that really sad? Yes! But at least I am honest with myself enough to admit it.
Lastly, about 19% of the class had about the same super skinny beautiful body type that they had in high school. The rest of them had really let themselves go. I have gained 70lbs since high school, but when I graduated I was only 130. I am still 20 over weight, but I don't think I look horrible. So you put it all together, and I should have realized way before I even signed up to go that I had nothing to feel anxious or scared about. Most of the cool girls that wanted nothing to do with me in high school are divorced, alcoholics, that would give their right arm to be with a man like me right now. I always dreamed that is how it would turn out. That history would prove me right. But now, there really is not pleasure in it. I actually am just happy that I do not feel anything about it anymore. I honestly do not think I will spend another moment of my life thinking about how crappy high school was, and how bad people treated me.
Think about the averages though... About 20% of the people there made more money than me... SIKE! It was more like 5%, and of those I think 1 of them had a wife as beautiful as mine. Who knows if she is down to earth and cool like Sara. If she is then that guy is doing almost as good as me. Now of the people who looked as good as they did in high school about 15% had a significant other, but only a couple of them had found the loves of their lives, and I did not run the job comparison on most of them. Thank you averages. Since my life is way about average, I am blowing most people out of the water. Also, the average for 1997 graduates of Highland High, is much lower than I had expected. LOL!
Time fixes things, I just needed a little reminder.
This should be the end of this post but I have to keep going because my life has been majorly rocked.
I consumed libations with my good friend David Koontz, and he gets way less reserved when he is half in the bag. So we are sitting at a table outside drinking, chatting with people, and Dave turns to me and says, "I don't believe in God anymore! I feel like all of the guilt is gone now." He actually seemed very happy to be saying this to me. Then Sara say, "It is about time Dave... Me too!"
OMFG! That just blew my f-ing mind.
I will have to expand on this topic later this week.
BTW... The new season of Dexter starts on my birthday. FACE!
~Richard
Then I started stressing about my body and my clothes. You have to look smoking hot when you go to a class reunion. I spent 3 hours shopping which is not normal for me. I did get some great clothes. And though I have lost about 15 lbs, I am still about 20 lbs over weight so nothing was really going to make me look great anyway. I did look good, you can see the pictures here (http://www.tblpodcast.com/Images/10REUNION/HIGHLAND1997-10REUNIONPICS.htm), but I did not look great. Sara looked amazing, and we actually had a great time.
I had forgotten about the great equalizer. I know I am good-looking, and successful, and married to a beautiful woman. But even if I just had a normal job, had a marriage that was not crumbling, and was not massively disfigured in a fire or a car accident, I would have been much better off than most of the people I went to high school with. The equalizer is life and averages. I am going off on a wild tangent here, but you have to stick with me.
I know I am totally reasonable and down to earth, even though I border on being obsessive and idealistic sometimes. I was very lucky to find a wonderful woman who is the same way. We had our hard times pre-marriage and at the beginning, but now we are set, nothing could shake us. The one thing I know for sure about my life is that Sara and I have to put up with each other till one of us dies. That is a great thing to know. Can you imaging how many people stress about their love lives. 10% of the people at the reunion were divorced. Another 25% had children and no significant other was in the picture.
I did a lot of interrogating about what people do for a living. It turns out that there are a lot of losers, who are 'still in school', and I am not talking about medical school here. I also talked to a lot of people who did not want to comment. They were just there to have a good time and catch up with old friends. Whatever, I was totally there to prove that I was superior to all of them in real life. That is rude, but that was my hearts truest desire inside. Isn't that really sad? Yes! But at least I am honest with myself enough to admit it.
Lastly, about 19% of the class had about the same super skinny beautiful body type that they had in high school. The rest of them had really let themselves go. I have gained 70lbs since high school, but when I graduated I was only 130. I am still 20 over weight, but I don't think I look horrible. So you put it all together, and I should have realized way before I even signed up to go that I had nothing to feel anxious or scared about. Most of the cool girls that wanted nothing to do with me in high school are divorced, alcoholics, that would give their right arm to be with a man like me right now. I always dreamed that is how it would turn out. That history would prove me right. But now, there really is not pleasure in it. I actually am just happy that I do not feel anything about it anymore. I honestly do not think I will spend another moment of my life thinking about how crappy high school was, and how bad people treated me.
Think about the averages though... About 20% of the people there made more money than me... SIKE! It was more like 5%, and of those I think 1 of them had a wife as beautiful as mine. Who knows if she is down to earth and cool like Sara. If she is then that guy is doing almost as good as me. Now of the people who looked as good as they did in high school about 15% had a significant other, but only a couple of them had found the loves of their lives, and I did not run the job comparison on most of them. Thank you averages. Since my life is way about average, I am blowing most people out of the water. Also, the average for 1997 graduates of Highland High, is much lower than I had expected. LOL!
Time fixes things, I just needed a little reminder.
This should be the end of this post but I have to keep going because my life has been majorly rocked.
I consumed libations with my good friend David Koontz, and he gets way less reserved when he is half in the bag. So we are sitting at a table outside drinking, chatting with people, and Dave turns to me and says, "I don't believe in God anymore! I feel like all of the guilt is gone now." He actually seemed very happy to be saying this to me. Then Sara say, "It is about time Dave... Me too!"
OMFG! That just blew my f-ing mind.
I will have to expand on this topic later this week.
BTW... The new season of Dexter starts on my birthday. FACE!
~Richard
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
9/18/07 - The truth is the truth
I have seen this movie before, but today I was napping, woke up and it was on again... It is called 'Prime' and it is not a great movie by any means, but it just reminds me that Uma Thuman is totally hot. She is getting close to 40, and she is probably way too skinny, but I just think she is totally hot. That is that, just a little thought that I had today. And what is a blog, if it is not a collection of little thoughts.
I miss the Roobot. I saw him last weekend and we had a ton of fun; bootleg 'Balls of Fury', Flight of the Conchords marathon, laughing, slightly homo-erotic wrestling... you know, the usual stuff. He has only been at Berkley for like a month and my Thursday afternoons and some weekends are sorely laking in male companionship. Not only is he gone, but he has also stopped blogging. I am so disconnected. Why have you forsaken me?
The great news is that Sara and I have been spending a lot of extra time together and really enjoying it. We had a real lazy weekend, and she continually reminds me why I love her, and am willing to spend the rest of my life with her. She has a really great sense of humor, and I do not have any idea why she like me at all.
The business problems with the infamous Jack Balfanz continue. He has begun emailing me, asking me for documentation I have already given him, calling me incompetent and the like. I am not pleased with the situation. It is clearer than ever that he does not intend to pay my remaining invoices or to honor the rest of our contract. It is just his personality. He appears to be very unhappy with the idea that I have something he wants, and he does not have the power in this situation. I don't even think it is a matter of being a businessman. I think it is just a character flaw. I have filed with the Better Business Bureau to see if they will mediate the situation. I will keep you guys updated.
Lately Sara and I have been discussing what we would do if we could have any job in the world. Most people would think I would like to be a poker player, but that is not true. I have always waned to be an investigator of some sort. At this point in my life the only option truly open to me is private investigations. I have done some research to see what it would take to become one, and it is much harder than you would imaging. A degree in criminology, 2 years of experience under a licensed person, and state testing. It is like becoming an accountant. This option does not really appear to be something I can accomplish right now. There are only two PI's in town and neither one of them is hiring right now. I am still looking for a way to make it happen. I think it would be a great additional set of services to offer in addition to accounting and tax. Plus it would give me a reason to buy all sorts of cool gadgets.
We will see what happens.
I miss the Roobot. I saw him last weekend and we had a ton of fun; bootleg 'Balls of Fury', Flight of the Conchords marathon, laughing, slightly homo-erotic wrestling... you know, the usual stuff. He has only been at Berkley for like a month and my Thursday afternoons and some weekends are sorely laking in male companionship. Not only is he gone, but he has also stopped blogging. I am so disconnected. Why have you forsaken me?
The great news is that Sara and I have been spending a lot of extra time together and really enjoying it. We had a real lazy weekend, and she continually reminds me why I love her, and am willing to spend the rest of my life with her. She has a really great sense of humor, and I do not have any idea why she like me at all.
The business problems with the infamous Jack Balfanz continue. He has begun emailing me, asking me for documentation I have already given him, calling me incompetent and the like. I am not pleased with the situation. It is clearer than ever that he does not intend to pay my remaining invoices or to honor the rest of our contract. It is just his personality. He appears to be very unhappy with the idea that I have something he wants, and he does not have the power in this situation. I don't even think it is a matter of being a businessman. I think it is just a character flaw. I have filed with the Better Business Bureau to see if they will mediate the situation. I will keep you guys updated.
Lately Sara and I have been discussing what we would do if we could have any job in the world. Most people would think I would like to be a poker player, but that is not true. I have always waned to be an investigator of some sort. At this point in my life the only option truly open to me is private investigations. I have done some research to see what it would take to become one, and it is much harder than you would imaging. A degree in criminology, 2 years of experience under a licensed person, and state testing. It is like becoming an accountant. This option does not really appear to be something I can accomplish right now. There are only two PI's in town and neither one of them is hiring right now. I am still looking for a way to make it happen. I think it would be a great additional set of services to offer in addition to accounting and tax. Plus it would give me a reason to buy all sorts of cool gadgets.
We will see what happens.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
9/12/07 Businessmen... Can you trust them?
Recently I have had some business deals go extremely bad. I am soooooo not happy about it. I had an old guy that has been in business for more than 40 years cuss me out in his office because he wants to get out of a contract that he signed. He insulted me personally while I was in his office stating after he gave me the check for my services, "Why don't you use that money to buy yourself some clothes and shoes!" He thought it was really funny and started laughing at me, along with two other staff members in his office. I just want what was agreed to and I have not given him any reason to try to cancel. He is just too short-sighted to be professional. He is honestly just a crazy person. What are you gonna do.
Well after taking some abuse I did give him a reason to be real mad at me. I said some stuff back to him that I will not repeat, but it was very mean. He got so mad about it he followed me out into the hallway as I was leaving and got in my face like he was going to hit me. I kinda wish he had.
Then today in a surprising turn of events he sent me an email regarding another outstanding invoice. He wants some additional information from me, which I would be happy to provide if he would just pay me, and not try to cancel the contract anymore.
I just do not understand how adult professionals can be so short-sighted when it comes to treating their business contacts in an extremely rude manner, or trying not to pay them. I have only seen extreme cases two or three times over the course of my ten years in business. However, everytime it happens I am always surprised at the source. It is always a well established person that has been in business for a long time. Someone you should be able to trust, or that is part of the BBB. WTF? I just don't get it.
The deal with this guy has caused me to create a website using his name www.jackbalfanz.com , where anyone can record their stories about highly unprofessional behavior, name names, and give out information about the persons business. This will allow others to look up this kind of information and avoid crazy business owners and people with bad business practices.
It is really just a small effort, but I hope it turns into something bigger.
Well after taking some abuse I did give him a reason to be real mad at me. I said some stuff back to him that I will not repeat, but it was very mean. He got so mad about it he followed me out into the hallway as I was leaving and got in my face like he was going to hit me. I kinda wish he had.
Then today in a surprising turn of events he sent me an email regarding another outstanding invoice. He wants some additional information from me, which I would be happy to provide if he would just pay me, and not try to cancel the contract anymore.
I just do not understand how adult professionals can be so short-sighted when it comes to treating their business contacts in an extremely rude manner, or trying not to pay them. I have only seen extreme cases two or three times over the course of my ten years in business. However, everytime it happens I am always surprised at the source. It is always a well established person that has been in business for a long time. Someone you should be able to trust, or that is part of the BBB. WTF? I just don't get it.
The deal with this guy has caused me to create a website using his name www.jackbalfanz.com , where anyone can record their stories about highly unprofessional behavior, name names, and give out information about the persons business. This will allow others to look up this kind of information and avoid crazy business owners and people with bad business practices.
It is really just a small effort, but I hope it turns into something bigger.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
8/6/07 19lbs to go & How to do it.
The main goal is to be down to 180 and be beautiful for my trip to the carribean in december. Basically, if I lose an lb a week I will just destroy my goal. So far every week I have lost at least a pound. The last couple of weeks have been bad, cause I was in Vegas, and then at Morongo, but I have still lost 11 lbs. This is how I did it! As far as I am concerned this is the only way to lose weight. Lifestyle change, I reduced my caloric intake to about 1200 a day. I try to eat stuff that is good for me, but even if I don’t I still keep the intake low. Then I work out at least 2 a week. That is it people. A lb is about 3600 calories. Burn or not eat that many and you lose an lb. You have to change the calculations a little bit for the fact that muscle converted weighs more than fat, but other than that you should lose at least an lb a week. By December I should look like Brad Pitt. Shazam!!!!
See more progress on: lose 30 lbs
8/6/07 - 4 Hour Work Week and the Itch
Wow, it has been a long time since I blogged. The original idea for this blog was just to recount stories from my life, but I figured since they take so much work to write and it is not just stream of conscienceness so when I am too lazy to write those I will tell you a little about my normal life too.
It is confirmed... I am a gambling junky. I don't even wish it were not true, in the sense that if it weren't then maybe I would not know what I feel I have known through the experience of gambling. I wrote that specifically because there is a teacher that reads my blog and I wanted to put a little bit of Richard's particular brand of bad grammar in there. That was for you 'R'.
So if I had to be addicted to something I like the idea of being a gambling junky because it has the potential to pay you back. I have been playing a lot of poker and low stakes backgammon recently, after not playing for a while, and I realized that games do not mean anything if there is nothing at stake. And screw that "pride" crap... I can't turn around and buy a new laptop after I win your pride. I want cold hard cash.
So in poker I did great in Vegas two weeks ago (+1200), got hammered at the Morongo (-700), won my prop bets with Da Mic (+200), killed in props against Roobot (+30), and made Roobot cry at Backgammon (+54), did okay in the home game (+100), did good online (+250). So overall I am a winning player for the time being. I have a learned a lot of lessons since the last time I took a run at poker. The other betting and gambling serves to keep my mind occupied so I am not always thinking about the last one outer that came to give my opponent quads on the river.
So why am I writing about all of this? Well, The Bear (my wife) got a new book called the 4 Hour Work Week and has been bringing up some really crazy ideas. Basically we work, save up a bunch of money, go on a mini retirement for a couple of years, come back and work some more, then more mini retirement. The idea is that you do not spend the best years of your life slaving away at a desk. We had a similar idea like this on our own about a year ago. The idea was that we sell everything (not the 62" tv, or the laptop) take what we get and go to Europe for a year or two. We figured we would have close to 300k. We would still have retirement accounts and stuff, so our future is still growing in the market, but the rest of it would be used as such, I would get a chunk to use for my personal bankroll, The Bear would get a chunk to take language lessons, or ride horse or whatever, I don't really remember what she wanted to do. But then we would have a shared amount for living expenses and traveling.
Worst case scenario we spend 100k living our dreams and come back in a year or two with the experiences of a lifetime and still have 2/3 or our money. In a couple of years we would have the means to do it again. All of this while still building up our retirement accounts and savings. Since I am an accountant and can get work pretty much anywhere I want, and she will soon be a nurse and can do the same it is a solid plan. 100k to live a dream? Is it worth it? Now, best case scenario I turn out to be an okay gambler and we actually come back even, ahead, or filthy rich. I give it a 50/50 risk/reward ratio and how can we say no.
The idea is that most people never know what their dream is or they never really try them. Sara wants to travel the world, and I want to try my hand at being a pro poker player. We both deserve the chance to live our dreams. Can you imagine, living together somewhere in France, spending one week a month traveling to other countries, and the rest of the month playing in a 10/25 nl game in the French Riviera, or at the Aviators club. Soaking up the atmosphere, learning to communicate with the locals, raking huge pots, seeing beautiful art, drinking the best coffee in the world?
Most people dream small, or their dreams have to do with assets or security. I believe in both assets and security, but I do not think there is anything better than living a dream.
Now for the darker side of things. When we first brought this up about a year ago, I thought I was hot stuff in the low stakes poker world. Well I was a donk, and I still kinda am. Essentially I lost my bankroll playing poker online and blowing up, and tilting. Not so bad when the worst that could happen is just losing 1k of free money that I won early that year. However, it was very hard to face the fact that I was not a good poker player. When I had to look deep into my heart and realize that I sucked at poker, and that all of the money I had won to date was luck, and not good play and discipline, it crushed me. I could not go play in a high level game because I was not even good enough to play in a low level game. I was so distraught that I would never get to live that dream. I stopped playing poker for 4 months after that. When I came back to it I had a new perspective and was better than ever.
The practical side of living a dream like participating in a big competition or being an athlete or a skilled musician is that there is skill gap that must first be overcome. I realize this, and would not be willing to take 20k of our families hard earned profit and equity and gamble it irresponsibly. Don't get me wrong... I am a gambler at heart and love all sorts of risks, but for the most part I like risk where I can have an edge.
So what does this mean for the future? Well the gamblers life is risky, all of the pros have won and lost millions of dollars. They have all been so broke that they could not eat before. Doyle Brunson said in his book Poker Wisdom, "The day I put the last dollar in my poket on the table at risk, knowing I could not eat or pay my rent if I lost, I knew I was a gambler." Scary huh?!?! I am not willing to live that lifestyle, but I am willing to do something inbetween. I want to build up my bankroll slowly again and get to the higher level games before we decide to go "walk the earth". One way or the other I will get the chance to live my dream. I will not give it up, and I will not walk away, other than for a couple of months to take a break.
Dreams are worth fighting for. The only thing I cannot get over so far is that I just am not good enough to take a run at my dream yet. However, The Bear does not finish school for another 1.5 years so hopefully that will be enough time. I got the itch.... I want to play, to gamble, to put my bankroll on the line. So we will see what I can do with my remaining 700 of bankroll. Hopefully things will go well and I will become a better player.
It is confirmed... I am a gambling junky. I don't even wish it were not true, in the sense that if it weren't then maybe I would not know what I feel I have known through the experience of gambling. I wrote that specifically because there is a teacher that reads my blog and I wanted to put a little bit of Richard's particular brand of bad grammar in there. That was for you 'R'.
So if I had to be addicted to something I like the idea of being a gambling junky because it has the potential to pay you back. I have been playing a lot of poker and low stakes backgammon recently, after not playing for a while, and I realized that games do not mean anything if there is nothing at stake. And screw that "pride" crap... I can't turn around and buy a new laptop after I win your pride. I want cold hard cash.
So in poker I did great in Vegas two weeks ago (+1200), got hammered at the Morongo (-700), won my prop bets with Da Mic (+200), killed in props against Roobot (+30), and made Roobot cry at Backgammon (+54), did okay in the home game (+100), did good online (+250). So overall I am a winning player for the time being. I have a learned a lot of lessons since the last time I took a run at poker. The other betting and gambling serves to keep my mind occupied so I am not always thinking about the last one outer that came to give my opponent quads on the river.
So why am I writing about all of this? Well, The Bear (my wife) got a new book called the 4 Hour Work Week and has been bringing up some really crazy ideas. Basically we work, save up a bunch of money, go on a mini retirement for a couple of years, come back and work some more, then more mini retirement. The idea is that you do not spend the best years of your life slaving away at a desk. We had a similar idea like this on our own about a year ago. The idea was that we sell everything (not the 62" tv, or the laptop) take what we get and go to Europe for a year or two. We figured we would have close to 300k. We would still have retirement accounts and stuff, so our future is still growing in the market, but the rest of it would be used as such, I would get a chunk to use for my personal bankroll, The Bear would get a chunk to take language lessons, or ride horse or whatever, I don't really remember what she wanted to do. But then we would have a shared amount for living expenses and traveling.
Worst case scenario we spend 100k living our dreams and come back in a year or two with the experiences of a lifetime and still have 2/3 or our money. In a couple of years we would have the means to do it again. All of this while still building up our retirement accounts and savings. Since I am an accountant and can get work pretty much anywhere I want, and she will soon be a nurse and can do the same it is a solid plan. 100k to live a dream? Is it worth it? Now, best case scenario I turn out to be an okay gambler and we actually come back even, ahead, or filthy rich. I give it a 50/50 risk/reward ratio and how can we say no.
The idea is that most people never know what their dream is or they never really try them. Sara wants to travel the world, and I want to try my hand at being a pro poker player. We both deserve the chance to live our dreams. Can you imagine, living together somewhere in France, spending one week a month traveling to other countries, and the rest of the month playing in a 10/25 nl game in the French Riviera, or at the Aviators club. Soaking up the atmosphere, learning to communicate with the locals, raking huge pots, seeing beautiful art, drinking the best coffee in the world?
Most people dream small, or their dreams have to do with assets or security. I believe in both assets and security, but I do not think there is anything better than living a dream.
Now for the darker side of things. When we first brought this up about a year ago, I thought I was hot stuff in the low stakes poker world. Well I was a donk, and I still kinda am. Essentially I lost my bankroll playing poker online and blowing up, and tilting. Not so bad when the worst that could happen is just losing 1k of free money that I won early that year. However, it was very hard to face the fact that I was not a good poker player. When I had to look deep into my heart and realize that I sucked at poker, and that all of the money I had won to date was luck, and not good play and discipline, it crushed me. I could not go play in a high level game because I was not even good enough to play in a low level game. I was so distraught that I would never get to live that dream. I stopped playing poker for 4 months after that. When I came back to it I had a new perspective and was better than ever.
The practical side of living a dream like participating in a big competition or being an athlete or a skilled musician is that there is skill gap that must first be overcome. I realize this, and would not be willing to take 20k of our families hard earned profit and equity and gamble it irresponsibly. Don't get me wrong... I am a gambler at heart and love all sorts of risks, but for the most part I like risk where I can have an edge.
So what does this mean for the future? Well the gamblers life is risky, all of the pros have won and lost millions of dollars. They have all been so broke that they could not eat before. Doyle Brunson said in his book Poker Wisdom, "The day I put the last dollar in my poket on the table at risk, knowing I could not eat or pay my rent if I lost, I knew I was a gambler." Scary huh?!?! I am not willing to live that lifestyle, but I am willing to do something inbetween. I want to build up my bankroll slowly again and get to the higher level games before we decide to go "walk the earth". One way or the other I will get the chance to live my dream. I will not give it up, and I will not walk away, other than for a couple of months to take a break.
Dreams are worth fighting for. The only thing I cannot get over so far is that I just am not good enough to take a run at my dream yet. However, The Bear does not finish school for another 1.5 years so hopefully that will be enough time. I got the itch.... I want to play, to gamble, to put my bankroll on the line. So we will see what I can do with my remaining 700 of bankroll. Hopefully things will go well and I will become a better player.
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