Monday, October 8, 2007

10/8/07 - Sanity

So I watched the Amittyville Horror remake this weekend and it occurred to me that I really do not understand sanity. Or rather I really do not understand my own insanity. I think we all have a little insane person inside of us. All of our jealousies, crazy conspiracies, self-centeredness. It reminded me of the book of Ecclesiastes from the bible. It was written by Solomon, apparently the wisest person who ever walked the planet, and in it he repeatedly says that he has explored; happiness and sadness, love and hate, wisdom and foolishness and madness. He explored it all. He had unlimited riches and could explore all things to their fullest.

I think it may be a time in my life that I will explorer madness. Of course I have to do all things in moderation. I do not have an entire kingdom at my disposal to frivolously explore things to the fullest. In the last year I have explored more of the world and selfishness than I have ever done before. I have been foolish, impetuous, selfish, wild, and undisciplined. What does the next year hold?

Being friends with Andrew has helped me quantify this desire to explore all different aspects of life and myself. He is very gung-ho about denying himself nothing, and just living in the moment, and being in contact with his unique brand of exploration has really given me a lot to think about.

So what is sanity? My current understanding is that sanity has to do with you understanding of the reality you live in. So what is insanity? Not connecting with the world around you? What is reality? Isn't it relative anyway? Isn't perception reality? Doesn't that mean that living in your own reality is sanity? If you are logical about exploring sanity does it defeat the purpose? How do you go about altering your perception and reality?

I have decided that the best way to really explore my psyche is to focus myself on some writing. If I write about some really dark or altered things, then maybe that will help me contact the dark insane parts of my own heart. So what should I write about? Maybe just talking about this is crazy. Maybe I am already insane.... Bruhahahahahah!

The funny thing is that I know who I am. I am confident, secure, and stable. Another reason I have decided that I need a really abstract project like this is because I feel like I need to expand my mind in a new way. I enjoy media, books, movies and television soooooo much, but they are really limited ways to exercise your brain and imagination. I really want my mind to continue to grow, and the best way to make that happen is to look at new things, and explore. I do not want my brain to become weak and soft like most of the people in the world around me. I want there to be limitless possibilities.

As you get older it is so easy just to fall into patterns of life and then just live out your life in a rut or on a track. I don't want that for my life. I want new ideas and possibilities on the horizon everyday. I love change. What is a bigger rush than the crazy feeling that the world that you have always known is about to drastically change? The life you have been living for years is going to be turned upside down? Gambling, drugs, booze, and competition do not have anything on the high you get from life changes. The fear, excitement, and confusion that real life brings is the bomb.

No comments: